CAPTION THIS: Get Gay or Die Trying

It's always so fresh to see XXL has their hands on the pulse of what's relevant in Hip-Hop. Where's Chris Hansen when you need him? How does Chelsea Handler feel about 50's new boo thang?

Anyway, I sent this pic out for a caption on twitter and well ... folks went in. Between TheProtege, OCSupreme and Sacromento, I could have just posted their stuff but there were a gang of funny captions out there. I lost some of my mentions, so I may have missed a few. Anyway, enjoy what I was able to gather.

Oh and most of these captions are hilarious because of how homophobic both of these guys are. Catch the comedy after the jump. Enjoy.

The Throat Chop Session: Shyne is the Last Real What Alive?! FOH!

Hey Shyne, Fidel called and he wants his cigar and the entire Cuban military uniform back. Oh and XXL, Hip-Hop called and said eff yo couch; you ain't doing shit on a higher level. The last couple of covers have been a rapid decline for XXL (and I'm being generous by ONLY saying the last couple). But you wanna know the the quickest route to irrelevancy? You feature irrelevant people. Kat Stacks' (I won't even mention Waka) name appears on the cover of XXL under the header "The Real Street Issue"? FOH!

I honestly hope this is just some photoshop crazed fool who had a picture of Shyne, XXL's masthead and a little bit of free time on their hands because this cover screams fuckery, right up to the headline, "Last Real Rapper Alive." Wait, this is still a picture of Shyne on the cover right? Is this a misprint? Should this have read, "The Last Real Wrapper Alive"? Shyne went to jail and came out and sounded like shit. His post-jail music has been horrible YET folks keep posting it up (it's arguable that his pre-jail music was shit too). His best verse was probably the telephone recorded verse on Usher's "Confession Remix" and that's sad. This dude is now on the cover on a magazine talking about what? And who even cares. There's a gang of folks putting out quality music yet XXL is entertaining this shit? Wow.

There's no way in hell that Shyne is the last real anything alive. I stand by that statement.

Eff all that!


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Tha Lady Blogga Asks...Where's Hip Hop?

Given the recent events in the music industry, we can't help but realize that the hip-hop culture is on a rapid downward spiral. We lost the King of Pop, Vibe magazine folded, XXL featured a cover full of shiny suit rappers. What the hell is going on with hip-hop? It needs to be revived and quickly. We have been bombarded with parties and bullshit, bling and swag, titties and asses (thanks, Drake), but no talent. Where did it all go?

Pandora Internet radio has become a necessity in my Blackberry. While mainstream radio caters to the artists that pay the most for spins per day, Pandora gives you a mix of stuff you want to hear. I can't stand listening to mainstream radio anymore. Every hour, the line-up is the same...and it's a shitty line-up at that.

So, here I am jammin' to my Pandora "Nas" station, listening to Nas, Jay-Z, Tupac and then it plays Ma$e? WTF is this? Ma$e? Where did this come from? How does he fit in here? He doesn't and that's the problem. I can't deal with the shiny suit rapper. I can't do it. So then I got to thinking, where did hip-hop go wrong? When did we lose it to talentless gimmick promoters with expensive cars? First I thought it was Puffy and his shiny suit movement. But then what about Hammer? And who the hell gave Vanilla Ice a record deal?

The new age of rappers is coming equipped with everything but talent. I mean, it's one thing to have a sales pitch or a certain image but you have to have talent to back it up. I am not even knocking the use of auto-tune. I was rocking to "Computer Love" and it was all good. If artists were saying something worth listening to, it wouldn't matter if it was auto-tuned or not. Having to listen to the likes of Soulja Boy, Hurricane Chris, New Boyz and other talentless "Hip-Hop" acts makes it difficult for the real Hip-Hop acts to shine through. In my opinion, their music isn't considered "Hip-Hop", it's just noise. Soulja Boy will never live down the fact that he lyrically compared himself to Nas! Nas is a rapper, Soulja Boy is not. So for him to compare himself to a lyricist such as Nas, he deserves to be smacked.

Not for nothing, I think Drake is lyrically inclined and has potential to be something special, but he is allowing himself to be pushed in that bullshit artist direction and that isn't a good move. He is going to lose a lot of fans because of that. He really needs to think about staying true to himself and his talent and not following behind the likes of Kanye West. Honestly I think Kanye just wanted to kill his competition a little bit so he created that video to put Drake on hold for a second. Drake created a buzz without tits, ass and jewels. He can continue to make moves sans that crap in his act.

We have always had underground rappers. The underground movement in the Hip-Hop culture was real serious at one time but now all the real Hip-Hop artists are being pushed into that category. We need to start moving in a direction to bring back Hip-Hop as we knew it. Supporting bullshit music is a problem. We have to start supporting real music and stop helping these "lucky" mediocre artists who knew the right people get ahead. We have new rappers emerging with ridiculous talent and they deserve to be heard on a mainstream level. How awesome would it be to turn on the radio and hear tracks from Diamond District, or Tanya Morgan, some Marco Polo & Torae, or how about "Queens' Anthem"? That would be a revitalizing breath of fresh air. I wouldn't have to cringe every time I turned on the radio or kill my Blackberry battery listening to my Pandora Internet radio.

We need to bring it back and it's going to take a lot of work, but...it can be done.

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Welcome To I.C. Shitty!

Take a good look at the cover of next month's XXL Magazine. I can't stop shaking my f'ing head. "Welcome To Icey City: Da Dirty's New Street Teams Wants It All." Wants what? All the wack rappers' spots left? Wackest rapper awards? What? You tell me. I've heard these clowns rap. I can't hate until I review. I reviewed before. All f'ing set with them. And to think, a rare few of my favorite artists have worked with some of these dude. WHAT??!?! F*ck, maaaaaaan! Still shaking my head. Utter disbelief. These dudes have to floss their probably rented or borrowed jewelry to distract you from how cornballish their skills are. Yeah, I said cornballish. I don't think these rejects deserve an official adjective. Should've been titled "Welcome To I.C. Shitty: Da Dumbest New Weak Team Wants It All." Straight trash.

I can't stand these bums so bad so that I've told friends and acquaintances of mine, if you like any of these dudes on this cover, delete me, remove me, forget me. Because I don't see how I can associate with you if you can find entertainment in their music. And I use the term music loosely. Still......still shaking my head. Wow! Why, XXL? Why? To sell magazines? To get new readers? Subscriptions? Selling your soul? Cause you can't be serious.

"It’s that time of the year again. Gucci Mane, Soulja Boy, OJ Da Juiceman and Shawty Lo recently joined forces to pose for XXL’s July Issue - the 2nd Annual Hood to Hood Issue.

The Atlanta cover comes one year after XXL’s 1st Annual Hood to Hood Issue, which featured Miami stars Rick Ross, DJ Khaled, Trina and Flo Rida. In addition to the cover story, the issue includes features on Asher Roth (P.A.), Mos Def (Brooklyn) and Drake (Toronto) and a breakdown of popular hip-hop hometowns." - as written on XXLmag's website.

You're kidding me!!! Same issue also has Asher Roth, Mos Def and Drake??? Those 3 dudes would run circles around these ringtone ass, microwave, no classic creating, here now, gone later today Raggedy Andys. Damn XXL. I mean, you don't have to explain it or answer or defend yourself to me but I am curious as to why. I mean, who am I anyway? No one, really. I'm just a fan of music and real authentic hip hop culture. I'm not really with all that clown ish these dudes come out the studio with. Poisoning the brains of the mindless youths. Sad to see too. They think their music is the hottest thing out. I feel bad for them. Can't be bumping that. If I was 25, I'd still feel too old to purposely look like a fool blasting that mess by day and dancing to it by night. Nah. Arms folded, screw face for me when them puppet DJs play them.

They can brag about all the money they got, cars they drive, jewelry they rock, and so on and so forth. But I better never hear them say they are nice on the mic. Might cause a heart attack then a disagreement and then some furniture moving. And you can tell them O said it. Just saying.

XXL Mag

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